Let’s imagine that someone sends you an email with a crappy tone, an attitude, or they copy everyone on an email to call you out. I have been there, and it takes everything in your power to not react. You’ve just been attacked, so it only makes sense to clap back. Wrong. It’ll make things much worse, and now you are in the wrong if you react. So what can you do in the workplace if you have been triggered?
I was working with a team that was very quick to make emotional decisions. It was causing a great deal of conflict and misunderstandings, so I had to come up with a way to slow down the knee jerk reactions. Some people try to bait you into a response right away, and this is not always necessary. It is a prevalent technique to gain control. Just. Slow. Down. Here are three steps that serve me well and helped the team through conflict:
Research – This is where you take a breath and start gathering the facts. Do I have all of the information about the scenario? Is there someone else I need to speak with first? Many misunderstandings end up with someone saying, “Oh, I didn’t know that.” Ultimately the only thing you should do right now is to acknowledge the receipt of the email and advise that you are looking at the contents further. Other than that, you get to have a big helping of do nothing except research.
Reflect – Now that you have all the facts, you strategize on the best way to handle the situation. Who are your players and what will motivate them to working with you? Make it a win-win for both parties. I always liked to go for a walk or engage in something that moves the body to stimulate creativity. Even vagus nerve stimulation (belly breathing) will help during this phase. Develop a strategy around what needs to happen going forward.
Respond – Now you get to engage and offer solutions. Suddenly, you are much calmer. You have given yourself time to get perspective. You are in control of the biggest threat to communication. Emotions. You have allowed for time to pass, so you are not responding from an emotional place. Time will dictate if you are on the winning side of this interaction.
Let’s be honest; there are keyboard warriors in the workplace that are very quick to say something in an email that they would never say to your face. Don’t fall into that trap and make an effort for an in-person meeting or video conference call. When it comes to conflict resolution, email is for recaps and not for dialogue.While the business world does more very quickly, you don’t have to react like the building is on fire every day. Be methodical. Be strategic. Be diligent. Be concise. Be thorough. But don’t react.
