I have spent some time this year being more introspective and aware personally, professionally, and physically. That meant spending lots of time alone. Do I enjoy my own company, or do I fill my days with activities to numb myself out? Even though I enjoyed doing “things,” I was doing the latter. I would put myself in situations where I was overstimulated so I could focus on everyone else but me.
Chris D’Elia is one of my favorite comedians, and I recently discovered his Congratulations podcast. He told a story about how his friends thought he was boring because he didn’t want to join them in activities. Baseball games, skydiving, sports, etc. The point of his story was that he wasn’t boring at all because he spent time with his thoughts, thinking about what he was doing next, or was able to satiate himself without external stimulus. Now, this is coming from a comedic perspective, but the concept is quite brilliant.
Refusing to engage in activities to be with yourself by yourself without distractions is not boring at all. In my opinion, it is a critical aspect of being self-aware and conscious of your own needs. I spent many years fixing people, and that is not my job at all. Sometimes we’ll feel obligated to do things because someone asks but saying no is ok.
One will not know how you will react to situations or what you genuinely enjoy unless you take some time to reflect. I love to travel, but now I spend one day not running around the city, and I do activities where I am conscious. During this time I learned that it is hard for me to be in places that are loud, noisy, or with significant crowds without feeling exhausted at the end. It is essential for me to surround myself with people that can have profound conversations so I can feel connected to the individual versus numbed out to the crowd.
Are you doing things to avoid feeling? Are you keeping yourself busy so you can be numb? Boring is not boring when you are taking the time to reflect on the self and your desires.